The Impact Listening has on Our Lives

Ever feel like someone talked over you?

How does listening impact our lives? How does this relate to STRESS. Let’s connect the dots!

Have you ever felt during a conversation that you were not heard? — felt that someone was not paying attention to you while you were talking? Let’s bring that feeling back for a moment. Were you frustrated, angry, disappointed? What did you do? Speak louder in an attempt to be heard? Withdraw? Give up? Can these feelings lead to stress? Of course they can! All of us have felt this way. It is a human need for us to want to feel accepted and validated. How can we feel this way if we feel we aren’t heard? Probably—if we are honest with ourselves—we are all guilty of not listening. So where do we start?

STOP LOOK LISTEN
STOP— slow down? Easier said than done you say? That is understandable in our profession. We have building schedules that dictate breakfast, counts, turn outs to work and school, report deadlines, monthly reports to wardens,reports to FSC and Customers, etc. But it is important to be able to prioritize, to triage, like medical takes care of cardiac cases before the common cold. It is critical to always remember our first priority—public safety—so that is where those counts come in. It is the most important thing we do, it is critical we ensure we are always accurate so if we need to slow down, that's ok.

What about our staff accidents? How many of those could be prevented by slowing down?
I can remember one of my shift supervisors appeared very overwhelmed one day. I asked him what was wrong and he responded with a TO DO list. I stopped him and asked him the 3 most important questions we all are obligated to in this company.
1. Is there an inmate unaccounted for?
2. Is one of ours in an ambulance en-route to the hospital?
3. Is there an inmate en-route to the hospital due to our negligence?

When he answered NO to all 3, I reminded him he had succeeded in what we are about. And when you do this every 24 hours, it is truly a SUCCESS. This is not a license to not meet other deadlines, but always remember what you have accomplished each and every day for the public and for all of us. That same supervisor on a regular basis would remind me as well when he thought I needed it! It became the 1-2-3 rule!

LOOK— really LOOK.
We walk in the same areas, by the same things every day and do not see. When you walk in an area, pretend you have not been there and look for the first time, similar to what auditors do. When you look at someone you love, really look at them and notice their individual characteristics. Notice their eye contact and the intensity that is behind it. Look at their body language, it can say volumes. This goes for our populations as well. Look for obvious changes in behaviors. We know this is critical to prevention of serious incidents.

LISTEN– like you have never before.
In our environment, it may be a serious warning that may impact someone’s safety. With someone you love, really listen to that “I love You.” Really listen to not just the words but also to what is not said, especially with children. We live in a world of “multi-tasking” but we should not multi-task our personal relationships or our employees or even the inmates when someone needs to speak to us. We all should put down what we are doing and—yes—LISTEN. It may mean the difference between a safe day or not, a positive personal relationship or not.

So, STOP what you are doing, OPEN your ears, mind and even your heart to hear the messages being sent to you from others. Don’t be discouraged when something goes wrong, learn from it. And when something goes right, learn from it as well AND give that lesson to others. Our journey through life will be much simpler, less stressful and more joyful when we STOP, LOOK and LISTEN!

By Angel Martin, MSW, GSW Senior Manager, Critical Incident Stress Management The mission of the Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM) program is expanding to include topics that may be of interest to staff dealing with stress in everyday life, and not just at work. In February - National Wellness Month - we turn our focus to relationship wellness and achieving life balance. As we mentioned in January, we all need to have gratitude and goals. We need life balance in relationships, too. They go hand in hand with helping us be the best person we can be, which also reduces stress.

Sound Out

JENNIFER VALCIN at Houston Processing Center:

I feel through experience that when I enter the gates to come to work I want me as well as my co-workers to go home the same way we entered. Though keeping in mind that we have so many other lifes in our hands as well even though we are holding the detainees here they deserve safety as well and being secured at the facility.I want to know that we all can return home to our families. I am always aware that my job is always to be taken serious and keeping in mind that it is not just a job but also taking care of other people that need to get home to their family.I am a strong believer in carring out orders or instructions given by my supervisor or supieror. I don't take this as just a paycheck

N. Jeffers at North GA Detention Center:

Did you really mean to answer NO to #1. Are all of the inmates accounted for?

katrina holmes at SDCF:

listening is not a gift for most of us its learned if we take time from our busy life to just listen to those in need thats when we develop those skills .