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Foundation of Family

May 2010 CISM Stress Management Article

Family Outdoors

I am sure you have heard the saying "You can't choose your family". I am not so sure that is true. Let's look at this concept of family. Family can be described as those people who look after you, teach you lessons in life, accept you, support you, applaud your successes, love you. They teach you your values or guidelines of how to live - the rights and wrongs. Meaning of family really cannot be put into words. It is an experience that a person has all through their life.

I think we choose some of our family members. We may not choose our parents or siblings but we do choose our "family friends". These are people that we just "click" with, go through life experiences with, share the same ideas and learn to love as they become our family as well.

All families need nurturing and care. As employees this is important to not only recognize and understand but to address in our daily lives. As we discussed in February's article Well Relationships, we are better employees if we take care of our relationships. Have you ever noticed that playing with your kids reduces your stress? Think for a minute of the "fun" you have. Imagine the fun they are having. Not only does this nurture that important relationship in your life but also reduces your stress level at the same time. Do you remember the things that were important to you as a child - a parent attending a school function, sporting event or dance program? That is important to children today. So let's look at some things we can do for our families:

  • Talk-Talk-Talk-the right kind of talk. Try to ask yourself "does this need to be said?" Build up - not down. We can utilize the gratitude exercise to help us in this area. Focus on positives, not negatives. Ask how school or work was for the day and what they did.
  • Let Grudges Go - Who do they really hurt? YOU and the people you love the most. Letting go of a grudge will reduce your stress level as well.
  • Spend time AND more time together - remember you are not only nurturing your family but also building memories for the rest of everyone's life and the stories will be told to generations to come.
  • Make it a priority to share a meal together every day. Yes, that means no TV or cell phones for that time period. The only talking should be with each other. Everything else can wait for that short period of time.
  • Do things together like picnics. It is not expensive to grill hot dogs at a park together, roast marshmallows in the fall, watch a movie or even a game of spades, scrabble or charades. If someone's favorite food is pizza, make one at home together. Sounds trivial until someone does something funny and the story is branded in everyone's memory for life!
  • Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff - ask yourself, "In a week or month will this even matter?" Does it really matter if someone eats the icing off the cake or spills a drink?
  • Start a family tradition - it can be anything you and your family want it to be. Remember the things your family did that mean something to you.
  • Make a Family Goal - this needs to be something everyone wants to achieve. Progress toward goal can be discussed at the meal time. Can't get away from those goals can we?!
  • REMEMBER: kids model after what they see us do! So if we see challenges as opportunities and have attitude of "we can do this-it will be ok", you will be modeling problem solving and coping skills for them. And this will make them feel safe and secure. I believe we all agree that every child has the right to feel that.
  • Now let's go back to whether we choose our family. Think about people that have helped you through a tough challenging time in your life. Were they all family or some family friends? Ever have a work partner or peer support you, train you on a procedure-the right way, help you in making a decision, celebrate your successes, listen to you, love you? If you answered yes then your family does include your CCA family. When you have taken time with your family at home are you better for your CCA family? And if so what does that do for your stress level and everyone else's?

And finally, to all mothers I wish you a very HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!

To see previous CISM articles, click on the links below.

Stress - Don't Let It Manage You!
The Impact Listening has on Our Lives
Relationship Wellness
Setting Goals and Priorities


By Angel Martin, MSW, GSW senior manager, Critical Incident Stress Management
The mission of the Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM) program is expanding to include topics that may be of interest to staff dealing with stress in everyday life, and not just at work.

Sound Out

Lisa Crum at NEOCC:

Some of my friends and I refer to each other as "chosen family." We are there for each other in good times and bad and know that we can call on each other no mater what. I don't know what I would do without my chosen family.

Tamiko Carter at Coffee Correctional Facility:

This was a great article and timely since summer is rapidly approaching. I would like to include this in our May Facility newsletter. Thanks, T. Carter Facility Newsletter Editior