Cimarron Inmates Share Experiences in the F.A.T.H.E.R Program
Dad from a Distance: Joey D. Langston
My name is Joey D. Langston. I have one son who will be 17 years old in August. Our relationship is really nonexistent. You see, I didn't know I had a son until he was already 10 years old. By that time, I had been incarcerated all but the first six months of his life.
After finally being notified about my son, I was able to visit him about seven times. Or I should say he was able to visit me until his grandparents, who have guardianship, decided to cut ties with me. They were upset because I contested them adopting my son and the judge ruled in my favor. I lost contact for a couple of years. When I finally located him I was only able to talk to him on the phone every couple of months. This lasted only for a little while. They ended up moving again. It took another couple of years for me to locate him. But now I'm unable to speak with him because he is in Thunderbird Youth Academy.
Since his first visit, I’ve written him once a week. I still do that but the letters go to my sister to put up for him. I have started writing a journal for him.
You asked how this program cultivated a closer relationship between my son and me. Technically I still don't have actual contact with my son. But what I can say is this program allowed me to learn better communication techniques so when give the opportunity I can use them with my son. But until then a lot of the principles we learned in class can be used in everyday interactions with others, whether it be friends, family, or strangers.
This class has been extremely beneficial to me and I recommend that everyone take it. I'm serving a 150-year sentence but I can see the usefulness of the information this program offers. For instance, it underscores our importance dads. So often society puts the emphasis solely on the mother and neglects the dad's role. I believe that’s the case because so many dads are not there for their children. It doesn't matter if they are locked up or free. That is a shame. It's time for us as men to take our rightful roles as dads as well as husbands. This program puts emphasis on our responsibility. We need that! Some of us will accept it and do something about it. While others will reject it and just go through the motions. I hope this doesn't deter you, as it hasn't deterred me, from trying to reach out and make a difference.
I would like to close by reiterating that I'm thankful for this class and what it offers. It is my prayer that others will be blessed with a chance to take it.
The F.A.T.H.E.R. Class
The F.A.T.H.E.R. Class,
doesn't give a pass.
For your behavior that is,
it teaches you about your kids.
And how you should encourage in a way,
to make them better each and everyday.
We are accountable as dads,
so let's break this fad.
Of not being in our children's life,
which causes them a lot of strife.
I may spend life in prison,
but that doesn't give me a reason.
To not reach out to my son,
and try and bridge the things undone.
By J.D. Langston (April 27, 2010)
Becoming a Better Dad: Michael Mayes Williams
My name is Michael Mayes Williams and I’m 30 years old. My son Michael is seven years of age. I have been incarcerated since 2005, when my son was only two years old.
Michael is my only son, and I have always felt very close to him. His mother and I are still together in a committed relationship, so his life has stability to it. I know my being locked up has had a huge impact on his life; he had some anger issues the first year of school. My being able to write him and talk with him through occasional phone calls really seems to help; he's doing much better with his anger. He was moved ahead a grade (curriculum-wise) but still with his same class/age group.
I thought we had a very good relationship before this program, considering our circumstances. I've always been able to talk to with my son and he’s always been able to talk with me. if we've ever had a problem, it could always be talked out.
Taking this program has fine-tuned my parenting skills. A lot (70 percent) of the skill we were taught in the F.A.T.H.E.R. group I was already using - not to brag, it was/is just common sense, or common courtesy on how I would want to be treated, so that's how I was already treating my son. But the last 30 percent that I was taught is going to make an already good dad (me!) into an awesome, more understanding, patient parent, not only with my son but also with my younger brother, Chase - he and I are 18 years apart.
I am very fortunate for being given the opportunity to participate in this program. I feel this program should be offered at more facilities across Oklahoma. As of now, this is the only men’s facility that offers it. Even if you don't have children, this program would be beneficial to nieces and nephews in whose lives you are involved.
Thank you for your time, and enriching my life through this wonderful knowledge.
Sincerely,
Michael Mayes Williams
Sound Out
Maria Stebbins at Eloy Detention Center:
This sounds like a terrific program. Anyone can be a dad but it takes a real man to be a FATHER. Kudos to all who participate! I truly wish you all the best in your endeavors.